just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
