i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it's like iHOP with fire
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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