im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
