Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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