When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
