end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
