i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
