I feel like abortions should bother me more
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You're like the curious george of whores
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
