he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
