Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
