oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
