ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize