Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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