Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
