ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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