My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
