just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
