Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am available for nakedness
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
