He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
