Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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