i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
