The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize