i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize