I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
