Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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