ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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