"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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