Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
