the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
