How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
