omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
