My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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