Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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