when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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