My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
