soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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