He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
