We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
