it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
