Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
