Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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