i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So squirting runs in the family.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
