ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
