I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
