I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
