As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
