I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
whose parrot is this?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
