Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize