U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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