I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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