fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
