john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize