We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
