I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
