well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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