last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pooping to opera.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
