I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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