I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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