I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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