Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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