i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
