Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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