It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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