12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
