I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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