I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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