what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
