I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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