Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
