girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize