Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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