My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
MIDGETS
????
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize