New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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