I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
