whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
