I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
