what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
