i don't like sucking hair
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
