I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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