thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
