so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
