he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize