My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
