now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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