Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
