just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
