her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize