I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
