I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
