I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
