You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
