It's just like the Real World with babies
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
