wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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