So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize