I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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