i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize