Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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