I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
